Why Comparison and Judgment Destroys our Self-Acceptance

Do you choose to see the positive in life or can you only see the negative? How did you answer the question? Now how would you characterize the people around you…positive or negative? If you are surrounded by negative people, then it can be much more challenging to try to stay positive. You have a choice of how you want to see the world and who you want to hang out with every day. These choices are important, because they also impact how you see yourself. Sometimes we see ourselves through other people’s eyes vs. our own. Are you able to see the positive about yourself or do you only see all of your faults?

I am a big proponent of assuming the best of others before immediately passing judgment. There are so many things that people have going on under the surface and in their lives that the rest of us have no idea about. I am sure that you have probably heard the quote, “you can’t judge a book by its cover.” Assuming the best of others immediately takes away a lot of the negative energy that we may have and prevents us from jumping to conclusions. Try looking at a person today who would normally upset you and see if you can look at them from this viewpoint. Imagine that they are going through something really big in their lives and it is preventing them from being their best. Can you immediately feel a shift in your view of them?

If you can do that for other people, then why can’t you do that for yourself? I posted a quote this week on social media that said, “If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be” by Maya Angelou. In terms of self acceptance, this quote says it all. How can you accept yourself when you are focused on comparing yourself to others? Think about what other people may be showing you. They are projecting how they want to be seen, which may not be the reality. Basically, you are comparing the inside view you have of yourself to the outside view of other people.

What if you were willing to let comparison go, focus on what you are doing and accept yourself for who you are right now? Imagine how much energy you would have if you weren’t trying to be what someone else’s version of what normal is? Living in comparison is exhausting and it is just a way for you to stay safe by telling yourself that you aren’t good enough. This is going to prevent you from showing up in your life in the best way.

Try this approach the next time the comparison of someone else happens in your head. Wish them well for who they are and what they are doing. This is taking away the negative comparison thought and making it a positive instead. Now redirect your thoughts back to you. Think about the amazing things you are working on right now, pay yourself a compliment for how great you are and focus on what you want to create next in your life. Just try to do this for one day and see how much differently you feel.

Letting go of comparison is a mindset shift that takes time, but now that you have this awareness it can happen much faster. Just make the decision to shift your thinking to yourself. Imagine what great things you could bring into the world if you focused on accepting yourself and spent all of your energy on only creating a new “normal” for yourself each day?

We are not perfect, although many people keep trying to be. Let’s just state the fact here that perfection is unattainable. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We are all just trying to do the best that we can each day. What if we just accept ourselves as we are right now instead? Accept the good things that we like about ourselves, the things we aren’t good at, the faults we have, the way we look, the regrets we have, the mistakes we made and the things we need to forgive ourselves for. Just accept all of it, the good and the bad, however that looks for each of us. If you can do that for yourself then you don’t care what other people’s opinions of you are, yours is the important one. Isn’t that how it should be anyway?

Susan M Barber, President of Susan M Barber Coaching & Consulting, LLC, works with individuals, teams and organizations to build skills that leaders need to attain breakthrough results. Her passion for coaching and leadership development is driven by seeing the transformation of leaders as they reach far beyond their own ideas of success. She continues to drive custom programs for groups that want to make changes in their careers to become more powerful leaders.