Tackling Your “Self-Doubt” Giant
Remember how free you used to feel when you were young, and you would play all day long? Everything in front of you was something new and exciting to try out. You were operating out of curiosity and a sense of adventure to see what other new things you could experience.
Somewhere along the way you were probably told to slow down, be careful or stop doing risky activities by parents, teachers or babysitters. They didn’t want you to get hurt and they were trying to keep you safe. This was your caregiver’s job, but it also started to place a bit of fear and doubt in you. The more they tried to keep you safe, the more fear it put into your head. These fears were being stored in your memory, forming your belief system. You may have even started looking for validation from them before trying things to see if it was okay.
These experiences shaped you into the person that you are today. Think about your reactions to new things. Are you still looking for validation from others before trying things? Do you still feel that fear and doubt that started back when you were young? Most people don’t realize that those responses started many years ago and have stayed with you into your adulthood. This was the beginning stages of the self-doubt you encounter today.
The Face of Self-Doubt
Self-doubt shows up when you are out of your comfort zone and trying something new. All of these stories show up in your head telling you why you aren’t ready for it and placing doubt in your mind. What if those stories weren’t even true, but you still believed them? How can you move past them?
Once you recognize that this is occurring, you can see that you are stuck. It is important to remember that your ego is trying to keep you safe in moments of self-doubt and fear.
For some, negative messaging plays all day every day. Even though your brain is trying to keep you safe by playing those messages, it can have a devastating impact to performance. If this is happening, then you basically have two choices: you can choose to listen to that thinking and hold yourself back or you can accept that it isn’t the truth and get on with whatever you are trying to accomplish.
Automatic thinking allows those thoughts to become beliefs that gain strength the longer that you believe them. Instead of just letting the story keep playing in your head without questioning it, stop and decide if it is a story that is true and decide whether you want to continue listening to it or not.
Strategies for Tackling Self-Doubt
Do you have people in your circle that you trust? This group can be made up of friends, peers, mastermind group, mentor or coach. A group like this can be critical to have in a moment of self-doubt. They can help you see the truth that you can’t see and that the story you are believing right now isn’t true.
If you don’t have a group like this in your life, start to form one now. Look for people who have your best interests at heart and not people who will take advantage of you in a vulnerable moment. Practice doing some reflection to better understand where this self-doubt may be coming from. Is it true for you right now or is there something from the past that may be showing up again in this moment?
Recognize that this is fear coming into play for you and you can make the choice to do this new thing anyway. Think of 5 positive things that could happen instead of the things that are showing up as doubts. When you focus on the positive things, your brain can’t focus on the fear anymore.
Stay focused on the positive outcomes that you want instead of the doubts that you are having. Think about the amazing people that you could meet and how they would feel when they hear about the great things that you are working on. If you don’t get out of your comfort zone, then you are staying in your own status quo. You aren’t growing and learning new things for yourself. What is worse though is that you have so many valuable things to share and that won’t happen if you don’t get out there.
The next time you have something new, could you push past the fear that you may feel and remember how brave you felt as a child? What if you try to recreate that now in your life instead? Try to live in curiosity and courage instead of fear and doubt. Prove to yourself that you can do it with something small and build up your confidence to try bigger things. Don’t let self-doubts or past situations limit what is possible for yourself!
Susan M Barber, President of Susan M Barber Coaching & Consulting, LLC, works with individuals, teams and organizations to build skills that leaders need to attain breakthrough results. Her passion for coaching and leadership development is driven by seeing the transformation of leaders as they reach far beyond their own ideas of success. She continues to drive custom programs for groups that want to make changes in their careers to become more powerful leaders.
