Changing How You Think About Vulnerability

“Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.” — Brené Brown.

Every year I choose a word as my theme for the year. This year my word is vulnerability. I thought I was good at being vulnerable when I was working in corporate, but now I realize that I wasn’t taking it to the level that I could have.

Some of you know that I am writing a book right now. Well it has been in the works for over a year now (writing a worthwhile book is way harder than it seems!) My book is for leaders to understand that getting results isn’t enough to get ahead if you want to be successful, you need to raise your visibility. The writing process for this book has forced me to look at my vulnerability in a way that I had not expected.

I have shared stories in the past, but this is taking it to the next level. Sharing stories that most people don’t know about me is scary and vulnerable. My hope is that it will help others be able to relate if they have experienced similar situations and know that they are not alone.

Any time we try something new, we may feel fear, which is our ego trying to keep us safe. I have felt that fear more times than I can count and had to push through it to demonstrate vulnerability.

I purposely chose vulnerability as my theme this year, because I knew it would help me write this book, be a better coach for my clients, and set a good example for my kids.

Seeing Vulnerability as a Positive Quality

The definition of vulnerability is the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. That pretty well sums up where we are globally right now. The fear of the unknown impacts with Coronavirus is changing the world right now. What we have seen or heard from others is playing on our vulnerabilities to an extent that none of us would have expected a few months ago.

Viktor Frankl, holocaust survivor said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” We can’t control what is happening right now other than to stay home to try and minimize the spread of the virus. We can look to ourselves and see what positives we can take from this experience. When you change how you look at things it can bring a new perspective into your thinking.

This article by Niklas Göke that I saw the other day helped me look at the situation differently. Focusing on the positives of increasing connection and having more time to think struck me as so important right now. Everyone needs some sort of connection while we are working remotely and especially for those of us with children home full time again. It is an adjustment for everyone.

I talk to leaders every day to see what they can do to find more time to think. Taking the time to think allows for more creativity. As unfortunate as this situation is, it is creating that time now. You can choose what to do with it. What is on your to-do list? What problem do you need to solve? What challenges are you stuck on? What book have you been meaning to read?

What is happening right now is out of our control and that feels scary. It creates the vulnerable feelings that we are struggling with as we navigate these changes. Brene Brown says, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” This is an opportunity to lean into the vulnerability and build more connections with the people in our lives.

Be Willing to Admit Your Mistakes

Part of being vulnerable is learning to admit our mistakes — which isn’t easy. For some reason we don’t want to be told we are wrong, so we don’t talk about it. Why is that?

People have been making mistakes for hundreds of years, but for some reason it seems easier not to admit it. We don’t want to look bad to someone else or be shamed for not getting it right the first time.

Some of the greatest inventions exist because the person who created it failed and was willing to look at it another way. One of my favorite products, Post-it Notes, is one such example. Spencer Silver from 3M tried to create a strong adhesive but found it wasn’t working the way he had intended. Through trial and error, the Post-it Notes product was born and has evolved into multiple colors, styles, and sizes over the years.

Can you think about something that you have failed at and were vulnerable enough to see the silver lining? Maybe you could be the creative one to come up with the next big product or find a new way to do things simply because you failed or made a mistake.

The willingness to admit that things didn’t go as expected, allows you to demonstrate vulnerability to others. It helps them see that they don’t have to be perfect. They can make mistakes and it’s okay. It is expected that you will make mistakes. Everyone has made mistakes and will tell you that it’s the best way to learn. The lessons that you learn in those situations are the ones that stick (no pun intended) with you the most.

Are you ready to be brave and be more vulnerable in your work and your life? Are you willing to admit your mistakes and make the best of a scary situation?

As a leader, your employees and the world need your vulnerability right now.

Susan M Barber, President of Susan M Barber Coaching & Consulting, LLC, works with individuals, teams, and organizations to build skills that leaders need to attain breakthrough results. Her passion for coaching and leadership development is driven by seeing the transformation of leaders as they reach far beyond their own ideas of success. She continues to drive custom programs for groups that want to make changes in their careers to become more powerful leaders.